March 10, 2016 Basic Concepts & Terms • Affection ~ Liking or fondness without deep emotional or passionate feelings • Infatuation ~ State of strong sexual attraction based on resemblance to an “ideal” or “fantasy” • Intimacy ~ Sense of closeness ~ Includes emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual bonds ~ May or may not be sexual ~ Involves taking risks ~ Gender differences ~ Self-disclosure • Love ~ Deeper meaning than affection or intimacy Basic Gender Differences in Intimacy • Intimacy involves taking risks ~ We expose our true emotions ~ Lower defended ~ Exchange vulnerabilities • Women perceive more risk of being intimate with men, compared to being with women. • Men also perceive more of a risk being intimate with men, than with women. What are we looking for? Heterosexual Women ~ Kindness & understanding ~ Intelligence ~ Emotional expressiveness ~ Get along with family & friends ~ Social status commensurate with well paid employment Heterosexual Men ~ Kindness & understanding ~ Intelligence ~ Physical attractiveness ~ Exciting personality ~ Good health ~ Adaptability ~ Partner’s fidelity more important than their own Perquisites for Intimacy & Love • Erik Erikson ~ intimacy verus isolation
• positive self concept • self-acceptance • confident and self-sufficient • accept one’s own strengths and shortcomings • loving caring parents • Self-disclosure: exchange of vulnerability ~ Distinguishes intimacy from infatuaition ~ Emotional intimacy can be more difficult than sexual intimacy ~ Reveal your needs, feelings, emotions (FINISH from slide) Human are Shallow • Physical attractiveness ~ Looks are a predictor of how often one dates ~ Looks influence who we vote for politically Physical Attractiveness • Physical-attractiveness stereotype ~ Presumption that attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well “halo effect” ~ But that seems true sometimes… ~ First impressions affect our judgment ~ Attractive people are valued & favored, and so many develop more social self- confidence (self-fulfilling prophecy) Who is attractive? ~ Few good measures, people in a different time & place consider different things attractive • Perfect average • symmetry • Why are we drawn to “attractive” people ~ Evolutionary assumption that beauty signals biological info - Health - Youth - fertility • Social comparison ~ contrast effect • We tend to see likable people as attractive • Likeness tends to breed liking • Dissimilarity breeds dislike (finish slide) Opposites Attract Complementarity (finish) • Attribution ~ Ingratiation - We use strategies such as flattery, and brown-nosing when we seek to gain another’s favor - We like to have people around who make us feel good We like those who like us • Attribution ~ Self-esteem- how we feel about ourselves determines how we feel about our relationships
Reward • Reward theory of attraction ~ We tend to like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or home we associate with rewarding events.
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