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and Ron’s branch manager was adamant about reporting the highest numbers of any branch in her region. As he buckled down to make some lucrative trades before the year’s end, Scott became silently incensed by Ron’s cavalier attitude toward work. Here the office was banding together to outperform others, and Ron was not willing to stay even a minute after five! In Scotts mind, such times demanded staying to do as much business as possible. Ron on the other hand, found ways to work as efficiently as possible so he could still fulfill his responsibilities at home. He began researching hot investments late at night after putting the kids to bed, so he could execute trades first thing in the morning. Scott had no idea Ron had been putting in these extra efforts.Both of these hard -working professionals have similar values at (work and family) but each holds different beliefs about what hard-work looks like and how to best provide for his family. Scott’s beliefs about what hard work looks like and how to best provide for his family. Scott’s belief about what it means to work hard caused him to pay attention only to when Ron left the office. This led him to question Ron’s commitment to his job and stirred emotions in him, such as resentful and bitter feelings. The result being that Scott closed himself off to alternative explanation for Ron’s behavior, presumed that their values didn’t align, and began to avoid him around the office. Our beliefs drive our feelings and behavior when someone get us, all riled up it might have more to do with our beliefs than with what the other person does. Had Scott recognized that feeling bitter wasn’t productive (self-awareness) and that there is always more to every person’s story (social awareness) he may have approached Ron to find out about what he was
doing to contribute to the office goal. He had done this, Ron would have learned that he had more in common with Ron that it first appeared. Many of our assumptions and expectations stem form beliefs like Scott’s. rightly orwrongly, beliefs could our perceptions of the situation we are in and the people around us. The situation itself does not determine how we feel about it, it’s the way we perceive the situation based on our beliefs. Beliefs Perceptions Emotions BehaviorsYou have you leave work I feel resentful I begin to to go the extra earlier than I do and bitter that you avoid youmile to get don’t do your part because I resent you And you make me feel badAs we perceive a situation through the lens of our beliefs, specific emotions arise, which in turn influence how we behave in a given situation. What can someone do to manage outdated, unrealistic, or unproductive beliefs?
Practice self- awareness strategy #10: stop and ask yourself Why You the Things You Do. If you begin to find yourself getting worked up over a situation with someone, it is helpful to take a good look at yourself first and foremost. As you