ENG101 Argument 1 Teacher Corrections

This is a fragment it needs a main verb or it needs

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This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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are experiencing. They are seen holding one another tightly in their arms. The woman is very joyous to see the man, who has entered the presence of the woman I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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with accolades and medals, representing his commitment and hard work. The man is also holding the woman with his arm around her, protecting her from other males and the outside world. Therefore, they both manage to form a close enclosure where they can only see one another in their view. The man is presented as well kept, with a shaved face and short hair, while standing tall and proudly in his official uniform. He is starring at the woman, with a pleased glare I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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, as the woman shows her fascination with the man’s accomplishments. The woman is somewhat savoring the moment that she is spending with her loved one. She manages to hold him so tightly that she is almost interlocking her fingers around the man’s back to his chest, where his honors I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here.
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