Wed been happy hadnt we i tried to remember my

We’d been happy, hadn’t we? I tried to remember, my memories

shrouded, as if I’d covered them up like they did to furniture in old houses to
keep the dust at bay. I remembered sitting on the couch in his apartment.
Small, like mine, but well finished. Granite countertops. Gas stove. Real
furniture that hadn’t either been purchased from Ikea or from strangers on the
internet. Tasteful yet safe art upon the walls, not wanting to make too much
of a statement.
He’d cooked for me. Chicken breasts, Sidekick Noodles, and boiled peas.
At least he’d tried, right? He even watched The Bachelor with me. Not many
guys would do that!
The sex was… sex. Some kissing beforehand, not much during. It was
good, but, you know. I’d had better. It was like cereal. Yeah, cereal is good.
You can eat it every day. But it’s not like waffles and bacon, smothered in
maple syrup, with powdered sugar sprinkled on top.
Which brought me to Dev.
Jagdev. Jagdev Singh.
Rebecca Singh.
What would we name our kids? Carter Singh. Penelope Singh.
Or maybe their names would be completely different from the ones I
picked out in third grade.
But our future was up in the air. I’d made myself out to be the enemy,
single-handedly driving him away from his family, the businesses they’d
expected him to take over, and his responsibilities as a son. On top of that,
there was a better, more suitable option for him to marry, someone his mother
apparently not only approved of but was actively encouraging him to date.
Even if I was what Dev wanted, maybe he’d make a different choice.
Maybe what his parents had said was sticking for him, making him think
what we had was only a brief, sexual fireworks show, which would
eventually fizzle out and leave him wishing he’d made a different choice—a
more responsible choice.
Then, I realized, what Dev wanted was out of my control.
What was it I wanted?
I wanted what Miranda had. A loving husband, a baby on the way. Her
whole future was set before her now, everything bright and bubbly and shiny.
When we were teenagers, we’d planned on getting married and having babies
around the same time so our kids would grow up together,like we did.
Now those plans were out the window.
It was a surreal feeling, being so happy for someone, yet so sad it wasn't

happening for me. I tried not to be jealous at first, but then I realized there
was no one around to judge and I let the feelings wash over me.
Miranda and her perfect, fairy tale wedding. Her husband with the good
job and the good family and their nice house and their new baby on the way
and the Pinterest-worthy nursery they were bound to have.
Angelina, her whole life still ahead of her, with so much gusto and
confidence about who she was and her place in the world, a stark contrast to
my own awkward self.
Even Nicole, with her perfect job, perfect rich boyfriend, perfect
everything .