The fourth paragraph is short and should provide more detail Since the writer

The fourth paragraph is short and should provide more

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The fourth paragraph is short, and should provide more detail. Since the writer has not indicated when these events occurred, that information should be added here: The traffic was light, it being early on a Saturday , but I was still a little apprehensive about this guy, riding a bike that didn't fit him, in a way that suggested he either didn't know much about riding on streets, or he knew what he was doing and didn't care. The conclusion of the essay is a summary that could be more effective if it indicated that, in the aftermath of this experience, the writer sees little difference between the other rider and himself. In this instance, the best way to improve the essay is to remove the entire paragraph and insert a new one. The flow from the preceding paragraph can be improved by beginning the conclusion with a transition . Here is the revised conclusion: © 2019 SOPHIA Learning, LLC. SOPHIA is a registered trademark of SOPHIA Learning, LLC. Page 7
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And the thing is, even though I didn't realize it at the time, there's something amazing about playing a role, when you're aware of it. There's something about seeming to be the person everyone thinks you are, while sitting satisfied in the self-awareness that can only come from an examined life, that allows you to look back at the world and, knowing something it does not, to be free. So I'd like to thank that awkward, DUI-having, little-girl's-bike-riding guy, for helping me learn that lesson, whether or not he knew that's what he was doing. This tutorial demonstrated how to revise the organization of written work by cutting, adding, and moving text. These techniques were applied to a sample essay. Source: Adapted from Sophia Instructor Gavin McCall © 2019 SOPHIA Learning, LLC. SOPHIA is a registered trademark of SOPHIA Learning, LLC. Page 8
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Revising for Clarity and Focus by Sophia Tutorial This tutorial describes how to revise for clarity and focus. It considers two primary aspects of this type of revision: revising for content, and for the rhetorical situation. It includes an example to demonstrate the revision process. This tutorial investigates revision for clarity and focus in three parts: 1. Revising for Content 2. Revision for the Rhetorical Situation 3. Revision: Example 1. Revising for Content Revision is the process of re-visioning and rethinking an essay, including its structure, ideas, and support. All of the components of an essay must support its thesis. Following are key strategies for improving the clarity and focus of the thesis and content. Ask questions of the thesis. Ask questions of the thesis. Begin by reading your essay and asking yourself whether you still agree with your thesis. Next, ask whether your thesis expresses your point effectively and concisely. It's not uncommon for writers to change their views while writing drafts, so consider what you've written and make sure it's in line with your current thinking.
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