Ex there are serious flaws with the design of beach

This preview shows page 3 - 5 out of 5 pages.

Ex: There are serious flaws with the design of beach cruiser bikes.They often do not have gears and have difficulty climbing hills.Their upright sitting position makes it difficult to turn sharply.Their size also makes them difficult to transport in cars. Seriousbikers should consider alternative models.Fixed: Beach cruiser bikes have serious design flaws. For example,this type of bike has difficultly climbing hills because they lackgears. Additionally, the rider’s upright sitting position also reducesthe bike’s ability to turn sharply. Therefore, serious bikers shouldconsider alternative models.Variation: Variation in sentence structure, size, and punctuation keeps your writing sounding fresh, and guidesreaders to focus on specific points. Lend drama to your assertions by changing up their delivery!
4Example: Notice how explicitly Humbert’s predatory behavior is related to aspider’s. Little delicacy is spared as Humbert relates the predatory image ofhimself as an “inflated” and “pale” spider on the hunt for his “beautiful warm-colored prey,” Lolita. The bluntness of this comparison is also seen in howHumbert claims ownership of Lolita by emphasizing how she is caught in “myweb,” and describing how he sits at its center. Humbert magnifies thisfigurative portrayal further by also comparing himself to a “wily wizard” as hechronicles the way in which he manipulates the strings of his web with “tugs”and “jerks” to locate his prey. By allowing his protagonist to be so direct in thecomparison, Nabokov renders his readers doubtless of his intention that theyview Humbert’s predatory behavior as analogous to that of a spider.With Variation: Notice how Humbert is linguisticallyrelated to spiders. His predatory image is described asan “inflated” and “pale” spider on the hunt for his“beautifulwarm-coloredprey”(Lolita).Thismetaphor is also evident in how he claims ownershipof Lolita. Humbert describes her as caught “myweb,”while referring to himself as a “wily wizard” whomanipulates the web’s strings with luring “tugs” and“jerks.” With this metaphor, Nabokov forces readersto view Humbert’s predatory behavior as analogous aspider’s.__________________________________________________________________________________________Sentence Structure Progressive Editing Example:The following is an excerpt from student writing in a previousEnglish 28. This excerpt is an analysis of a scene inDavid Mamet’splayGlengarry Glen Ross(1984) in which two businessmen (Moss &Aaronow) discuss a company sales “contest” which will reward thefirm’s top salesman with a car, and fire the bottom two. Mossbelieves this contest unfair because of a pre-existing policy thatprovides the best sales leads to already successful businessmen.

Upload your study docs or become a

Course Hero member to access this document

End of preview. Want to read all 5 pages?

Upload your study docs or become a

Course Hero member to access this document

Term
Summer
Professor
N/A
Tags
English, Glengarry Glen Ross, Lolita, Independent Clause, Dependent clause, clause

  • Left Quote Icon

    Student Picture

  • Left Quote Icon

    Student Picture

  • Left Quote Icon

    Student Picture