4 Sankhara Karmic Factorsneeds or wants may be

4 sankhara karmic factorsneeds or wants may be

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4. Sankhara-Karmic formations/Compositional Factors/needs or wants : may be unconscious or conscious (50 sankharas) 5. Vinnana-Consciousness : the six senses and the mental capacity through which awareness of 1-4 are experienced 1. Observation : H & W argued over trivial matters e.g. whether to put socks or take medicine for baby 2. Feeling : both frustrated 3. Thinking : each blamed other party for being unreasonable. (Reframe: both acted in the interest of the baby.) 4. Needs/Wants : both wanted to control and win the argument. (Reframe: communication problem in process of negotiation.) 5. Consciousness: new awareness of their aggregates.
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Limitation of language: 1. Problem of verb-to-be e.g. I am a woman 2. The meta-model : need clarification due to deletion, vague noun, verb, adjective, nominalization e.g. “I handled conflict poorly.” “Compare to what?”
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Limitation of Language (2) I need more strength.” “Why am I so incompetent? My boss makes me mad.” “Being strong in what way?” “What make you think you are incompetent? “How specifically does your boss cause you to feel this way?”
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Limitation of Language (3) My parents think I am stupid.” I always make a mess” I must keep my opinion to myself.” “ How exactly do you know this?” When was the last time you did not make a mess?” Who says you must?”
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Basic Skills 1. The skills of Not Knowing – a) is a state of being informed by the client – and client’s frame of reference b) communicating with an abundantly open and genuine curiosity c) wanting to know more about what has been said, rather than convey preconceived opinions and expectations about the client, the problem or what must be changed or resolved.
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Basic Skill – 2. Listening Listen to who and what are important to clients Complimenting client – directly or indirectly Active listening : (a). Paraphrase (to state in own words what you think someone just said) : validate by feeling heard, cools anger, clears miscommunication, remember what is said, stop judging /comparing /rehearsing/advising/dreaming etc.
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Listening (cont.) (b) Clarifying (to ask questions until you get more of the picture) : helps focus and more information and understanding. (c) Feedback (to share thought, feeling etc.) : must be immediate, honest and supportive e.g. “ I think there’s a real possibility that you’ve made a mistake” vs. “You’ve been a fool.” (d) Summary
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Listening (cont.) Listening with empathy Listening with openness Listening with awareness Body language Echoing clients key words e.g. “My life is a mess?” “What do you mean by ‘a mess’?” Open questions vs. closed questions e.g. “Do you like your boss?” “Can you tell me something about your relationship with your boss?”
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Listening Skills When we listen well, we (a) are attentive, non-judgmental (b) listen for emotions and content (c) stay aware of nonverbal messages (ours and others)
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