5 practice the art of listening when people are angry

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(5) Practice the Art of Listening When people are angry, they need time to blow off steam. Until they have been allowed to do so, they will be in no mood to listen to anything you have to say. Thus it's crucial that you give them the opportunity to be heard and then demonstrate to them, that you have heard what they have said. As indicated previously, it is always possible to agree to something that they have said or at least to indicate to them, that you understand their position. Saul Alinsky in his famous book, Rules for Radicals , advised people to use tactics that the other side doesn't expect. In negotiating, the other side doesn't expect you to agree with their position or to sympathize. Anyone who has been exposed to training in the martial arts will realize that it is far more difficult to attack a person who is standing right beside them, then someone who is at a distance. Thus, showing understanding for the position and the reasons for the position, disarms the other side and puts them in a position where they become more amenable to rational discussion. That is the purpose of the exercise. Remember, they won't be prepared to listen to you until they believe they have been heard. 3. Establishing Trust Anyone who negotiates for a living will tell you that trust between the spokespersons is almost always required before there can be any settlement. I believe this to be true in positional bargaining or in any other kind of bargaining, but it is especially true in interest based bargaining.
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– 16 – There are many levels of trust. Most people operate according to the other's expectation and not according to their own potential. It is important in fact in order to establish trust, that you behave according to the other party's expectation. It is not absolutely crucial that they like what you do. It is important that they can rely on you to do what you say you will do. Trust takes a great deal of time to establish and can be destroyed instantly. If you actively mislead the other side at any time in the process, the chances of them ever trusting you again are virtually nil. On the other hand, if you come into a situation in which there is a high degree of mistrust, it takes a long time for you to establish a level of trust with the other side. It is therefore very important that you say what you mean and mean what you say. It is further very important that you deal with any misunderstandings in a forthright manner as soon as you learn that they have occurred. Negotiators that are the most respected are almost always the ones who have a reputation for personal integrity. W HAT D O I L OOK F OR If you have decided to attempt to change the bargaining from a positional approach to a mutual gains approach, there are several signs that you can look for which will tell you whether or not you are succeeding.
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