74M So your situation is not that serious for you know how to stop Many couples

74m so your situation is not that serious for you

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[74]M: So your situation is not that serious, for you know how to stop. Many couples don’t know this rule and negative quarrels start, which make things worse. I can sense that negative quarrels between you are not that much, and your contradictions lie in whether to solve the conflicts on trivial things in your life or not. [75]H: Yea, trivial things. The couple was more ready to look at other possibilities of resolution after the reframing of the sanna.) e)5 th Aggregate, vinnana –The wife and the husband were ignorant of their aggregates as they were caught up by their sankhara unconsciously. After the mediator reframed the sanna, there was a new awareness of the parties of their aggregates. According to the data analysis, the mediator at Stage 1 of the process of change facilitated the parties to let go of their respective selfish demands and positions and re-defined the problem as a mutual concern. Under the BM model, the parties let go of their self-centred ‘greed’( lobha ). 3.1.2. Stage 2(mediator had a private session with the husband): The mediator created doubt about the husband’s perception that the wife was unreasonable by highlighting an important exception when the wife actually supported him in his decision to be a lawyer. The husband responded by being less positional in his view of how to resolve the conflict: [109]. H: No. The way of our discussion is to propose ideas of both sides, which are usually on the contrary. We both believe the other’s ideas are not reasonable. For example, we only consider whether to put on or take off the socks [of the baby] instead of thinking out a third way. I’ve talked to her that we may lack effective ways of communication. Maybe there is a third way.
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10 His new 3 rd Aggregate had become a wholesome sanna because he now realized that the past conflict was impermanent and had cause suffering for both of them and that both had contributed to the problem. He even thought of a time when they were agreeable in their decision making about their baby: [117]. H: She is also a doctor. We were classmates. Another example, our child has stammer and training is needed. She insisted the child was still young and it’s not the time for training. I’ve discussed with her for a long time until I almost got angry, and she agreed. We came to an agreement. I think that was a good resolution, though the child didn’t attend the training because of other reasons. The husband had experienced a different 7 th link of sensation and became more positive. He was also experiencing a different 6 th , 5 th , 4 th and 3 rd links (contact, six sense-doors, mind & matter and consciousness) by visualizing a different picture of how he could relate to his wife in a constructive manner in discussing an issue that they might have different opinions and drawing on an example of past experience as an exception to his wife being unreasonable [115-117].
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