The process of the 12 links was reversed in Stage 2 when the mediator

The process of the 12 links was reversed in stage 2

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The process of the 12 links was reversed in Stage 2 when the mediator facilitated the husband to examine the current situation and the five aggregates of the husband were reframed when t he husband continued to maintain his previous sanna of their problem as a win/lose situation: H: But our problem is how to deal with the opposite views at the exact point of the issue. For example, when the child is ill, should he take antibiotics? The mediator immediately reframed the ‘old sanna’ to a ‘new sanna’ by redefining their problem into mutual needs and interest: M:What are the child’s needs? You can say what you’ve perceived. But the facts she perceived may differ from yours. Due to the reframe of the mediator, the husband shifted from his obsession on the win/lose situation ( the previous sankhara) to a new awareness of his aggregates. Under Stage 2 of the BM model, the mediator facilitated the parties to let go of their resentment and blame of each other and to understand each other’s needs and concern. The parties let go of their ‘hate’ ( dosa ). 3.1.3 Stage 3 (joint meeting):
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11 The parties practised the new way of communication with the ‘I’ message model and had expressed different ways of dealing with a past conflict situation to reduce future misunderstanding. The Five ARM was applied as follows: a) 1 st Aggregate, rupa – They talked about a past conflict and expressed what had happened by practicing the ‘I’ message model: W: For example, last Saturday, you were not home for the whole day and told me on the telephone that you would come back early. Actually, you didn’t come back until 11 o’clock. I was very angry. b)2 nd Aggregate, vedana – after using the ‘I’ message model to tell each other what happened, they shared their respective emotions safely. The wife even felt guilty for having misunderstood the husband after he used the ‘I’ message model to tell her what he felt and thought: [159] W: He told me something about his thoughts, and his real state at that time. I can understand his mood. I was angry that he didn’t come back for a whole day; but his expression in such a way showed that he concerned with our family. Then I may reflect on my own thoughts: maybe I misunderstood him. c) 3 rd Aggregate, sanna – the husband expressed his expectation for “a warm atmosphere at home” [155]H: If I expressed thankfulness for her hardworking that day, actually she took care of the child all day; she may not turn out happy… If I said that I’ve been working a whole day and was also very tired, and I expected a warm atmosphere at home, she may change her attitude… and the wife appreciated his concern about the family. d)4 th Aggregate, sankhara - They needed understanding from each other which they got from their new way of communication with the ‘I’ message model.
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