ENG101 Argument 1 Teacher Corrections

The two what this is one example of a vague

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The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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sparkle and shimmer in the light. The female is shown wearing her hair recently done, with a ribbon bowing out, which matches her top, bracelet, and newly-painted nails. She has greatly prepared for the presence of the man and wants to impress the man I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster? . Her bright red lipstick sends a message to the man that she is expecting to kiss and embrace him.
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The Vietnam Anti-recruitment poster gives off a sort of plain feeling to the viewer. Without any color throughout the poster, it is hard for the audience to develop a strong feeling toward the image. I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation.
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