Could lead to marriage even if you arent ready Age of cohabitation not

Could lead to marriage even if you arent ready age of

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Could lead to marriage even if you aren’t ready Age of cohabitation, not cohabitation itself accounts for difference indivorce rates. Moving in before 23 = higher chance of divorce. Current best time to get married is 28-32 Being happily married is very good for health. Outweighs negative effects of smoking being married makes you healthier and live longer because you both will most likely take care of one another . BUT being unhappily married is super bad for health. Communication Identify and describe the different positive and negative conflict styles discussed in class Negative Four Horsemen Criticism attack on your partner instead of a complaint or critique which focuses on a specific behavior) Contempt mean and disrespectful
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attitude of utter disgust or hatred sarcasm, name calling, eye rolling, sneering and mockery Defensiveness blaming the partner it’s not me, it’s definitely you! Stonewalling listener withdraws from interaction shuts down, closes themselves off from the other acts as though they don’t care avoidance of not just the fight but the relationship itself Unhappy couples do a poor job saying what they mean. Kitchen-sinking = addressing several problems at once so everything is added to fight. Off-beam = wandering from topic to topic so the conversation never stays on the one problem long enough to resolve it Unhappy couples do a poor job of hearing each other. Mind reading = jumping to conclusions and assuming they know what their partner means. Interrupting = bad when it’s to disagree or changes the subject. Mind reading often leads to interrupting Unhappy Couples always find something wrong . Yes-butting = constantly pointing out critics or flaws in partners ideas or views. Cross-complaining = responding to a complaint with one of their own. Dysfunctional patterns: Demand/withdraw pattern = one partner is the demander, seeking change, discussion, or resolution and the other is the withdrawal, seeking to end or avoid discussion. More common for women to demand and men to withdraw Demand complaints, criticism, pressures for change Withdraw
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halfhearted involvement, changing the topic, avoiding discussion, walking away Positive Correct way to argue: clearly define the problem, avoid generalities using you always do this or you never do this use I-statements (describe feelings “you piss me off” rather “I feel really angry right now”). Use this template: “when you do X in situation Y, I feel Z” Use active listening! Paraphrasing repeating in your own words and giving your partner a chance to agree that that’s what he or she actually meant perception checking assessing the accuracy of your inferences about your partner’s feeling respect and validation acknowledge the legitimacy of your partner's opinions and communicate respect for their position Focus on emotions sharing them and encourage your partner share their own Speak for yourself allow your partner to speak for them Relationships and Health Happy relationships are protective; unhappy are not It’s better for health to be single than unhappily married Negative Conflict Tactics
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  • Spring '08
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