With that last comment in mind i think you would also

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With that last comment in mind, I think you would also do well to cut most of your second and third paragraphs, and I think you should consider approaching your essay with a different overall strategy. At present, the body consists of two paragraphs of summary and one paragraph of argumentation. Only in the fourth paragraph of your essay, when your paper is more than half over, do you begin to argue your own ideas. I recommend that you go straight to your argument. After all, an essay is an argument. If
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63 Jung you structure your paper according to your own ideas/opinions, you can work your argument sources in whenever they have something relevant to say, whether in agreement or disagreement with you. In sum, I think this draft lays good groundwork for an essay. It has helped you to get a good handle on your argument sources and to begin to develop your own ideas. But to make this paper clearly motived, and to make it more of an argument than a set of summaries, I think you need to approach it from a fresh angle and do some major restructuring. I suggest you start by creating a claim-evidence outline of the body and that you them look for places to work D and F and any other research sources into your discussion. If possible, let’s meet to look over an outline of that sort, and of course, if you have any questions about these comments, let’s meet to discuss those, too. Sincerely, Jason
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64 Artifact 2 – Paper 3 Outline Linda Jung WR150 A1 April 17, 2013 1. Introduction a. CRITICAL BACKGROUND : Charles T. Davis and Barbara Foley present two different analyses to the question of race and what matters when discussing it in Cane. In Davis’s essay “Jean Toomer and the South: Region and Race as Elements within a Literary Imagination”, he discusses the how geographic location ultimately affected the way Cane was written and later interpreted. More precisely, Toomer’s experience in the South had a large influence on the development of Cane and the portrayal of the African American race. Barbara Foley takes quite a different stance in this debate. In her essay “Jean Toomer’s Washington and the Politics of Class: From ‘Blue Veins’ to Seventh-Street Rebels”, she argues that the key point missing from many people’s discussion of the novel is class. She goes into depth describing Toomer’s socioeconomic background through his childhood to the time that Toomer wrote Cane . Foley uses this background to propel her argument that class matters when analyzing the text and its racial implications. b. PROBLEM CONDITION : Although both of these scholars provide valid arguments, they fail to look at the big picture. They offer arguments that place Toomer and Cane under a racial category when that was really the opposite of what he originally wanted. Toomer intended to keep his racial identity hidden throughout Cane .
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