Notes 239-250 & 265.docx

Emotional intelligence means recognizing feelings and

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Emotional intelligence means recognizing feelings and responding to them in skillful ways People skills= acting in thoughtful ways, being aware of your feelings, showing concern for others, resolving conflict, and making responsible decisions Recognize three elements of emotion Physical sensations, thoughts, and action Separating them out is a first step toward emotional intelligence Name your emotions Naming gives you power, you start to gain perspective People with emotional intelligence have a rich vocabulary to describe a wide range of emotions Do a key search of feeling list Accept your emotions This includes all emotions Emotions can be complicated and have many causes that go beyond our control, including what other people do You can be held responsible for how you act towards your emotions Express your emotions The key is to speak without blaming others for the way you feel Respond rather than react The heart of emotional intelligence is moving from mindless reactions to mindful actions Run a mood meter; check in with your moods and write them down and rate them Write discovery statements Write intention statements Make decisions with emotional intelligence Ask yourself how am I likely to feel if I do this Use gut feelings to tell when an action might violate your values of hurt someone Think of emotions as energy that you can channel into constructive action Managing Conflict
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The first 5 strategies below are about dealing with the content of a conflict- defining the problem, exploring viewpoints, and discovering solutions The rest are about finding processes for resolving a conflict Focus on content Back up common ground; list all the points that you are not in conflict, often such comments put the problem in perspective and pave a path for a solution State the problem; Use “I” messages to tell people your emotions, allow the other people to do the same, define the problem in a new way State all points of view; set aside your opinions for the moment, take time to understand the other points of view Ask for complete communication; use active listening, check to see if you have correctly understood them Focus on solutions; talk about new possibilities instead of the past, think of what you can do to prevent problems in the future, state how you intend to change Focus on Process Commit to the relationship; Be affirming about your commitment to the other person, ask for the same
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