All of that is gone now obese and angry on the

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All of that is gone now. Obese and angry on the outside, scared and immature on the inside, I was willing to do anything if only I could be thin and happy.
10 | I knew I had found the solution the day I walked into FA. Having tried every conceivable diet by the time I was 12 years old, I was scared and not sure I could do it. And I was right. I couldn’t do it alone, but with the help of a Higher Power and the FA program, I lost the weight fairly quickly and other things immediately started looking up for me. I continue to be willing to do anything to keep the recovery I’ve gotten in FA, and I’m very grate- ful for that. If I can successfully abstain from addictive eating for over seven years, I truly believe anyone can. I was a drunk with food, and it affected my whole outlook on life. Be- cause of this program, I feel better at 29 years old than I ever have in my life. At 19 years old I felt as though my life was over. I started out life as an outwardly happy and healthy little boy. But I now see that by a very early age, I had the personality traits of a poten- tial addict. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to life situations. After my parents’ divorce when I was three years old, I began to isolate and to develop a rageful and explosive personality. School became a con- tinual struggle for me. As early as second grade, I violently rebelled against doing what I was told. In junior high school, my violent behavior toned down; but I became very depressed, withdrawing more and more into a world of drawing, science- fiction books, comics, and weight lifting. I hated being a skinny teenager and was continually frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get more muscular. For a while, my eating was rigid and controlled, but then I began to go to the other extreme, sitting in front of the TV after school and stuffing myself. Because of overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness I
| 11 began therapy at age 12. However, I continued to isolate and to binge on huge amounts of food, always in secret because I felt so ashamed. Over the next few years, I was on a search for relief: I tried vegetarianism, yoga, meditation, antidepressant drugs, living in communes, and, finally, hitchhiking cross country. I still couldn’t stop bingeing. At 19 years old I felt as though my life was over. That frightened me enough to seek help, and I soon found my way to a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting. At my first FA meeting I found hope. I was so relieved to find out that I wasn’t alone in my struggles with eating, and I learned that there was a way out of the pain I was in. Even though I was young and still thin when I got to FA, my obsession and compulsion with food had pre- vented me from freely living my life. FA gave me the tools to deal with life without using food as a crutch; and gradually I have found something I never thought I could have: a useful, happy and normal life. I have even gotten into college!

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