8 cpbe 2019 12 how to catch your readers attention

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8 © CPBE 2019
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1.2 How to catch your reader’s attention. (And how not to.) Read the email below to all staff in a company. What do you think the main message is? Can you get this message clearly and quickly? Why? / Why not? Version A To: All Staff From: Senior Administrative Manager Subject: …………………………………. Dear colleagues According to the paper bills for photocopying and printing in recent months, each of our colleagues uses an average of 1,500 sheets of paper a month, making a total of 75,000 sheets and costing over $12,000 for the office. We are very concerned about this for the impact on the budget of the office and on the environment at large. Here are some suggestions for ways of using less paper for you. Firstly, everyone should stop using paper for sending memos, reports and so on and use email instead. Secondly, avoid keeping paper files and instead save files and documents electronically. Thirdly, reuse used paper on the blank side for printing drafts, taking notes and so on. Another thing you can do is to print and photocopy on both sides of the paper. Finally, make sure you print only what you need, instead of the whole document. I trust you will adopt the above measures to help minimise your paper use. You are very welcome to come up with other suggestions and discuss these with me. Thank you. With regards, Alison Hui 9 © CPBE 2019
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Here is another version of the same text. What do you think the main message is? Can you get this message clearly and quickly? Why? / Why not? How is Version B different to Version A? Think about: - how language is organised - how the document is designed. Version B 10 © CPBE 2019 To: All Staf From: Senior Administrative Manager Subject: ……………………………… Dear colleagues I write to seek your support for reducing use of paper in the office. The problem We are currently using on average 1,500 sheets of paper a month per person for photocopying and printing, costing over $12,000. We are very concerned about this for the impact on the budget of the office and on the environment at large. We must reduce paper use. Possible solutions Here are some ways that you can help to reduce the amount of paper we use: Stop using paper for sending memos, reports and so on. Use emails instead. Avoid keeping paper files. Save files and documents electronically. Reuse used paper on the blank side for printing drafts, taking notes etc. Print and photocopy on both sides of the paper. Print only what you need, instead of the whole document. I trust you will adopt the above measures to help minimise your
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Notice how Version B: opens with the most important point contains only the most relevant information divides key information into separate points uses bullet points to organise key information so that it can be easily located is written in a direct, neutral style: sentences are short and have a simple structure uses imperative verb forms (i.e. verb 1 forms: inform …, remind …) to describe what needs to be done.
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