I rush home and gather all the notes papers and

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I rush home and gather all the notes, papers, and drafts of my novel. I take them to the backyard throw them into a garbage can, douse them in gas, and burn them to oblivion. I watch as the ashes catch on the wind and wonder if my sins will be blown away as well. I turn back towards my house and notice that my wife is watching from the stoop. A single tear rolls down her cheek; she smiles. I have my husband back she says. I grab her, carry her to our bedroom and make love to her for the first time in ten years, the first time since out honeymoon, the first time since out son was conceived. It is the pinnacle of my existence, I know true ecstasy and as me and my wife lay in bed, my body enveloping hers. I shut my eyes and let the absolute ebony of sleep take me. November 17 th It can't be true, dear Jesus Christ don't let this be happening to me. It has to be a scam, a hoax, a nightmare. News reports about some 'Death Plague' some insanity about it being spread through bites. The goddamned kid, oh Jesus, why didn't I go to the doctors ..... On the news today the reporters spoke about a 'Death Plague' that is spreading in some areas of America. Apparently the dead are taking a page from Lazarus' book and coming back. These ‘reanimated’ as the
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reported called them hunger for human flesh, and the infection is spread through bites. It would stand to reason then that I am infected. The reported says the time until death after the bite varies but by all accounts, I do not have very long. I am so afraid, I don't want to die. November 1793eiej PAIN AND MY FATHER AND THE BELT AND SCREAMS AND STOP PLEASE I'LL BE GOOD I PROMISE STOP PLEASE DADDY NOOOOOOOOOO AND PAIN AND PAIN AND PAIN AND PAIN AND PAIN and I just want it all to stop please let it stop. November 18 th So stiff, a battle to get out of bed. I lost consciousness last night, wrote non-sense in my journal. I realized something too, my brain is shutting down. Piece by piece I am losing myself. Like a syphilitic patient my mind is turning to ash just like my words my work my masterpiece my legacy my chance at immortality. My sudden change in demeanor was nothing but the result of brain death. Nothing changes everything is pain; my father was a monster, I am a monster, my father reborn, and when I die I'll come back and I'll still be a monster, just a different kind. ..... The evacuation. My family leaving. My refusal. More tears and goodbyes. Was it yesterday, or weeks ago or did they ever exist? Have I been locked in this room forever? Did I have a family? Was I a man? Did I live? I found a piece of paper the other day, hour, just now? It reads: “This death inside me, this new silent mentor laid his hand on my heart and made me new.”
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  • Spring '11
  • Benavides
  • Nazi death machine, poor Jewish family, pitiful weakness, Bradley Sharp

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