brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes." Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road.. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992) Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby,
and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (1982) Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981) Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" (1966)
Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm Going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time." (1981) Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991) Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M.,
when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." (1986) Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991) Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996) Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is
it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' " (1991) Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991) Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." (1987)
The Cowboy excuses Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship) From David Letterman - Tuesday,
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