Throughout the course of a relationship, the respective levels of satisfaction, alternatives, and investments are going to fluctuate and keep us in at different points in time. Stay/leave behavior; More commitment yields more likely to stay, and vice versa. Perspective taking- Being more willing to consider issues from the perspective of your partner. Accommodation- We engage in behaviors to accommodate our partner (i.e. staying in when partner is tired, choosing different restaurants, etc.) Derogation of alternatives (i.e. meeting someone at a party and finding flaws in them in order to maintain commitment to current partner) Willingness to sacrifice Illusions/perceived relationship superiority In reference to global opinions Fidelity Can apply to various other aspects aside from interpersonal relationship (i.e. job, graduate programs, dieting, etc.) ° ° Stages of break-up Recognition of problems o Tends to be gradual o ‘ Intra psychic’; Happens in your own head Exposure of problems to partner o Dyadic process: Put cards on the table o Begin pulling out o “Too busy”, short interactions, etc. Negotiation o Stay or go?
o How will conflict be resolved? o “I’ll be better…” o What will it take to make the relationship work? Transformation o Focus on self future vs. relationship future o Symbolic purging (e.g. song, place, photos, haircut, etc.) o Social phase: Seek out others Grave-dressing o Account making: Creating/developing stories of how/why things ended. Reinterpretation of past events in order to validate why the relationship ended. Convince self that we still have market value o Move on… ° ° What are the three components of social perception? Characteristics of the stimuli o “Objective” features of the target and behavior; Characteristics of what we are perceiving. Characteristics of the perceiver o Ex: Refereeing an NFL game, color-blindness, etc. o Cognitive, motivational, emotional o Chronic/stable (e.g. personality) Ex: Being a relatively “trusting” person
o Temporary (e.g. mood states, current goals, etc.) Characteristics of the context o Cues help us interpret ambiguous events. ° ° Destiny vs. Growth Beliefs Destiny/Soul-Mate Theorists o Potential partners are either right or wrong. o A successful relationship is mostly a matter of finding the right partner. o Relationships that do not start off well will likely fail. o Ex: Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride Growth/Work-it-Out Theorists o The ideal relationship develops over time. o Obstacles can make love even stronger. o A relationship succeeds through hard work and resolution of incompatibilities. o Ex: Marge, The Simpsons Implicit Theories: Destiny v. Growth o Dating behavior o Affective reactions to discrepant views Destiny: More likely to be very distraught over one’s partner not sharing a similar belief; May either leave the relationship or de-emphasize the importance of that characteristic in their soul-mate theory.
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