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One way to improve sentence variety is to take a sentence and see how many ways it can be rewritten.Revision is when a writer looks for major rewriting and for organizational problems.Rewritten:
3/1/2019Writing with Purpose8/161. During revision, a writer looks for major rewriting and for organizational problems.2. When a writer looks for major rewriting and for organizational problems, this is known as revision.3. Major rewriting and correcting organizational problems happens during the revision process.Exercise 4See how many ways you can rewrite the sentences below:1. An effective thesis statement often has the following elements: it appears at the end of the introduction,it is argumentative, and it avoids first person.2. When revising an essay, make sure that each body paragraph has a topic sentence, arguments, andsupport.3. Organize your essay effectively. Write an introduction, body, and conclusion. Have support andarguments in the body paragraphs. Rewrite for smooth flow.Answers to Exercise 4Tone and StyleTone is the way the text sounds as it is read, often with an emotional charge to it or with an academic, formalvoice. When revising for tone and style, a writer should look for instances of inappropriate tone or tone that maycome across the wrong way to the reader, especially with passionate or emotionally-charged topics.Figure 4.4. Genre-Specific ToneGenre-Specific ToneGenre TypeIncorrect ToneReasonCorrect ToneRhetorical AnalysisMartin Luther King Jr.’sspeech, I Have a Dream,was emotional andpowerful.Statement discussespathos but fails to bespecific about how thespeech was emotional andpowerful.Martin Luther King Jr. in his speech, IHave a Dream, used emotion thatAmericans of all races could relate to,and he used logic to appeal to thosewho may not have been moved byemotion.ReviewBatman Returnsis ahorrible movie.Statement is overlynegative, a generalization,and unspecific.Batman Returnslacks effective acting,editing, and plot; therefore, it is not astrong movieCommentaryTerrorism is an awful,horrible thing and needs tobe stopped before morepeople die.Adjectives describing thetrend are general andextreme, and thestatement is not specificenough.Terrorist acts against Westerncountries have risen sharply in thepast decade, and world leaders willhave to come together to come upwith effective solutions.Style is a writer’s voice that sets him or her apart from other writers. It involves a variety of elements such as wordchoice, tone, and sentence variety. It must fit the genre context, audience, and purpose. When revising for style,look for strong word choice and sentence writing based on the genre.
3/1/2019Writing with Purpose9/16Exercise 5Rewrite the following sentences to adjust for a proper academic tone:1. Commercials using women as sex objects are frying people’s brains.