O not universal seems to have arisen sometime in

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o Not universal, seems to have arisen sometime in Middle Ages, i.e. Tristan and Isolde. Now we take it so for granted that we think it is love, and if you don’t feel it then you haven’t loved. Uplifts you out of the daily world, a kind of mystical experience, and in our culture is virtually a substitute for religion. Carries religious awe. o This love is worth all of life, worth sacrificing everything for, worth dying for, experience of absolute involvement and intensity. Involves obstacles, cultivates
obstacles, and you don’t so much love the other person as love the state of being in love, and the other person is the occasion for it. Destiny, fate, etc. You get the point. o Therefore you are beyond morality. It justifies adulthood and other sins because it is your fate and you can’t help it. Typically doesn’t end in happiness but in tragedy, but it’s worth it. o This is the love Anna believes in, the love that some people think this book is praising, and it is everything that this author hates. This is a book about what’s wrong about that kind of love. So he creates an attractive heroine who believes it to explore it. She buys the ideology completely so we can see what that ideology entails. Other kind of love book talks about is love of Sherbatsky family. Love Levin feels for the idea of family. The Sherbatskys are intimate, friends, close—not transcendent, but prosaic. Not about mystery, but intimacy. The more you’re with the person; the point is to know the person very, very well. Sex becomes very different: romantic ecstasy versus knowing everything about the person’s soul and mind. One is compatible with family life, thrives on it, and the other is incompatible o Romantic love is incompatible, because it is fleeting. Not about everyday life and making that work, just think that they’ve found the wrong partner and go out to find a different one. Romantic love, because it is about the transcendent, is not compatible with daily life. o If you want to stay with a person all your life, you’ll know things about them that aren’t particularly romantic. If you can’t deal with the nastiness of reality (diarrhea?) then it won’t work. o In Sherbatsky love, daily life is what’s important. Kitty knows that family love is in her bones, it’s her culture. But she’s been taught that romantic love is the thing to value, and so when Levin comes even though he represents intimate love, the love she’s been made for, the right sort of love to build a family on, she doesn’t think it’s love so she turns him down and then will regret it. She has to learn consciously what it is she really is and what it is she really values. o Her mistake is forgivable because everything in her culture tells her that romantic love is the way to go.

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