2 respond to your peers main area of concern see his

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between them after reading this essay. 2) Respond to your peer’s main area of concern (see his or her response to question 3 of Exercise 3). a. You mentioned in your self- review that you believed you need help with the clarity and fluidity of your main body paragraphs and that you are concerned with the repetition of main points. I believe that you are making very clear points in your body paragraphs; I had no problem understanding the points that you were trying to argue in your body paragraphs. However, I feel that you could use some more analysis in some of the points that you make, for example your last sentence you state that even though George and Elizabeth sit in silence while looking out the window together, Elizabeth is able to gain some understanding of her son. I would
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13 Jung be helpful if you were to elaborate on that point and maybe provide an example from the text since this point slightly goes against one of your main arguments that one of the reasons Elizabeth is immature is because she doesn’t understand her son. While I do not think you have a problem with repetition and that the flow of your argument is sound, I believe that some of the arguments you make you should revise or at least elaborate on to make your argument stronger. You claim in your last paragraph that Elizabeth does not want to talk to her son and that therefore shows her immaturity. I agree with your point that she is immature, however she does want to talk to George, she just can’t get herself to do it or there is something preventing her from doing so. A scene you should mention that would help this argument and your overall argument about Elizabeth’s immaturity is when she goes to speak to George but over hears her husband speaking to him and then retreats back to her room. You could mention how strange her reaction to her husband speaking to George is and then how strange and contradicting what she actually says to George is after that encounter. 3) In addition to your peer’s main area of concern, address one other aspect of this paper that you think your peer should focus on improving. a. I think you need to focus on improving your introduction. Your thesis is clear at the end of the introduction, however you need to revise the beginning where you bring in background information. Some of the sentences are a little awkward or unnecessary (as noted on the paper). You
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14 transition smoothly into your problem section of the introduction and also introduce your supporting sources well. Just be careful when you say that both critics assume that George is mature by the end of the novel, because isn’t Szczesiul’s overall argument in his essay that George is not mature? Other than that you are right when you say that neither critic talk about why Elizabeth has no effect on George and your claim about Elizabeth being immature as well greatly explains this.
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