How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less.html

Naturally all people use a mix of these three senses

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Naturally, all people use a mix of these three senses as they go about their life, but one always dominates, and knowing which is prevalent in your conversation partner can greatly affect your rapport. People who are predominantly visual care a lot about how things look. They generally tend to think in images, and they probably dress sharply and talk very fast. These people like to use expressions like “How do you see yourself? or “I see what you’re saying.” Auditory people love conversation, have fluid, melodic, expressive voices and enjoy the spoken word as
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well as sounds in general. As a result, they gravitate toward careers in broadcasting, teaching and the law. They tend to say things like, “Sounds familiar,” “Tell me more” and “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.” Finally, kinesthetic-focused people like solid things that they can feel. They have lower voices, like textured clothing and tend to speak very slowly. Often, they’ll use expressions like “How do you feel about . . . ?” and “I’ll get in touch with her.” By matching your responses to a person’s dominant sense, you can make that person like you more. For example, a visual person is more likely to like you if you speak as quickly as she does or if you dress nicely. Someone with an auditory focus will prefer it if you speak very clearly and use a pleasant tone of voice, and those with kinesthetic sensibilities will prefer it if you match their tone of voice and speak quietly and sensitively. So how can you tell which type of learner someone is? Just watch how they move their eyes. For instance, if you ask someone what he liked most about his vacation, a visual person will tend to look up to the left or right as if he’s seeing the answer, an auditory person will look left or right (toward his ears) and a kinesthetic person will look down to either side, toward his hands and body. In other words, if you’re unsure how best to communicate with someone, just look at their eyes. By doing so, you’ll learn which sense that person favors and will know how to adapt your conversational style accordingly. Final summary The key message in this book: Endearing yourself to a new acquaintance begins from the moment the two of you meet. The way another person feels around you in the first meeting is key to your likability, which is why it’s essential to adopt a genuinely open attitude and willingness to connect. But remember, speed is of the essence. If you don’t get someone to like you within the first 90 seconds, you’ll probably never click. Actionable advice: Control the tone of your voice with this simple exercise. Say you notice that your conversation partner speaks in a calm and relaxed tone, but you tend to talk a mile a minute. To bring yourself down to your interlocutor’s level, try some belly breathing : focus on breathing into your abdomen, rather than your chest. Pretty soon your breathing will slow down – and your speaking pace will, too.
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