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compare these two versions and answers Which version is more persuasive and why? Could one or both of them be improved in any ways? How?

compare these two versions and answers
Which version is more persuasive and why? Could one or both of them be improved in any ways? How? In your discussion,
write one page.
VERSION 1

Date: May 7, 20xx

To: Terry Bigg, Vice President for Human Resources

From: Sam Small, Publications Director

Subject: Long-term savings on the newsletter

Cutting-edge technology, though expensive to purchase, can cut costs in the long term. The recent purchase of new software in the research, shipping, and accounting departments has demonstrated this. We can achieve the same kinds of savings in the publication of our newsletter.

We have been resisting the trend toward in-house desktop publication because TypeOGraphics has done such wonderful work for us. But they are increasingly expensive and the long turn-around time makes it difficult to keep the information in the newsletter up-to-date.

My new assistant has experience with desktop publishing and design work. At a recent trade convention, we discovered some desktop publishing software, called At My Desk, that would allow us to produce the newsletter in-house at a fraction of the cost we now incur for having it produced externally. We currently pay $xxx a month, $xxx a year, to TypeOGraphics for producing the newsletter. At My Desk will cost $xxx, which includes multiple copies, installation, training, service, and free updates. Thus, in less than xxx, our savings on the newsletter will allow us to recover the cost of the software.

At My Desk can also be used to create annual reports and other documents requiring high production values, thus saving another outsourcing expense. It is fully compatible with our existing hardware and software, so we will not have to concern ourselves with upgrading other parts of our information system.

As with the new software in our other departments, this software will put us on the cutting edge and allow us to be both more cost effective and efficient. I’ll be happy to arrange a demonstration so that you can see the many features of the software and get answers to any questions that you may have. I’ll call your secretary to set up a time.

Thank you for your help with this.





VERSION 2

Date: May 7, 20xx

To: Terry Bigg, Vice President for Human Resources

From: Sam Small, Publications Director

Subject: The newsletter

I would like to request funds to purchase some desktop publishing software.

At a recent trade convention, I learned of some new desktop publishing software called At My Desk that would allow us to produce the newsletter in-house. I also recently hired a new assistant with desktop publishing experience, and I would like to put this experience to use.

At My Desk can be used to create expense reports and presentations in addition to the newsletter. The At My Desk company will help us set up the system and provide a week of onsite training. At My Desk is compatible with our existing hardware and software.

For the past eight years, we have been using the services of TypeOGraphics to design and typeset the newsletter. At My Desk will cost around $xxx, which includes installation of the system, training sessions, and free upgrades for two years. With this software, we can save over $xxx in the first year of use.

If you have any questions, you can reach me at 3-4567. Thank you for your time.


This question was asked on Jan 17, 2013.

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