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Any suggestions? Is there anything i can do to improve on the essays

bellow? Word usage? Context? Grammar? Or flow? Thank you!




**6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (348)


Biology has always been an academic subject that inspired me ever since I was young. Discovering and understanding things about the human body has always excited me. When I was about 10 years old, I loved going to the local Blockbuster to get documentaries about the human body. I was fascinated with movies about the heart, brain, lungs, nervous system, eyes, skeleton, muscles, and everything that provided me insight into the human body. My parents would allow me to watch these documentaries and movies because they knew I had a lot of interest in this field. Aside from documentaries and movies my interest grew bigger upon watching on other social media platforms such as YouTube where you can find and watch actual surgical procedures being done on people.
        The first experience that sparked my interest in pursuing a career in the medical field occurred in my high school biology class. Our unit on human anatomy gave me the opportunity to dissect a guinea pig to everyone's discomfort of the smell, I loved it. The little intricacies allowed me to gain new insight and a better understanding of the importance of each and every organ. From that day forward my aspiration to understand anatomy flourished.
        Luckily, after that class, I received the unique opportunity to volunteer at my local hospital with a program called extreme responders. It was quite an experience for me to help in the emergency room (ER). I learned a lot about what it would be like to work in a hospital, personally, I enjoyed it, although clinically I was not able to help anyone. I had a wonderful time helping the nurses set up beds for incoming patients and conversing with them asking about their experiences and how they got to be where they were. To me, biology really inspired me to pursue a career that I am passionate about. I yearn to become an Immunologist through my experiences with biology and volunteering at the hospital encompassing everything that I want to do in the future, and it all started with a single biology class




***8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California? (344)


A characteristic I hold dear and keeps me grounded is my determination to provide medical care to underserved areas, specifically in countries where healthcare isn't relatively available. This passion to attain such an honor pushes me to do the best of my ability as my parents sacrificed a lot for my success in this country. My father left his hometown of Colima, Mexico to come to America in search of a better life for his future family. He was the same age as I am now, nineteen. He left with nothing but the clothes on his back and the perseverance to establish himself in an unknown land, unable to speak the native language.
I am proud to say that he accomplished what he intended to do—my family now has a stable home to live in and food on the table. While it may not be much to others, it is definitely more than anything he initially started with.
Today, I share the same determination he maintained when he arrived in this country. I aspire to be the first in my family to attend and graduate from a university in the United States. My dream career is to be an Immunologist. I have this passion within me to serve mankind and become a source of change in people's lives. I love to see others flourish as individuals. If given the chance, I believe that it would allow me to be the best of myself and become an effective citizen of this country.
In the future, I envision myself as a person who gives back to the community by helping people of my community live another day and fulfill their purpose. Just like my father, who came to the US striving to be in the best financial position possible, I, myself, will strive to return the favor and build my own destiny. My parents have always been guiding me in the right direction. I hope to make them proud and be able to prove myself, one day, in their honor at the University of California.

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