Hi! I need some help with my Compare and Contrast Essay. I wote it...

Hi! I need some help with my Compare and Contrast Essay. I wote it but my tutor on line asked me for some corrections. I need modified my essay with this correction. I already attached my essay and the corrections. 

Running Head: STUDYING IN VENEZUELA VS STUDYING IN CANADA OR USA Moreira 1
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*Writing Strength:
Sthefanie, I commend you for linking your topic sentences to the previous discussion point. For
example: In addition to more convenient, studying in Venezuela is cheaper than studying in Canada or
United States.
In here, you linked the current discussion point (cheaper) to the previous point (more convenient). This
connects your paragraphs together and makes the discussion ±ow smoother. Nice job!
*Sthefanie 8706641 has requested that you respond to the Thesis / Main Idea:
To begin with, I noticed that your thesis identi²es the di³erences between studying in Venezuela and
Canada or the U.S., but it does not really identify their similarities which is a requirement in a compare
and contrast paper. Right now, your thesis is:
In consequence, although studying in Venezuela results more convenient and cheaper,
studying in Canada or United States bring more security, better quality of life and more jobs
opportunities.
In here, you identi²ed the di³erences between the topics; however, when writing compare and
contrast papers, you also need to discuss similarities between them. This way, you will be able to ful²ll
the assignment requirement. How is studying in Venezuela and Canada or the U.S. Similar? What
aspects are the same? For example, are they similar in curriculum? Then, how might you incorporate
these similarities to your thesis statement? Consider these questions to develop a more appropriate
compare and contrast thesis. Now, what can you add to your current thesis?
*Sthefanie 8706641 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
Moving on, Sthefanie, I noticed that you lacked speci²c details to substantiate your points. For
example:
Some universities in Venezuela are public and some are privates. Private universities are very
expensive however they result cheaper than any university in Canada or United States.
In here, you mentioned that studying in Venezuela is cheaper than any university in Canada or the U.S.
However, you lack speci²c details to support this. How much does it cost to study in Venezuela
compared to Canada or U.S.? What estimate can you provide that demonstrates this di³erence in
price? From the discussion, what details can you add to strengthen your statement? Try reading your
paper again to identify other statements that may need concrete details.
Sentence Structure
Lastly, you should properly separate independent clauses that have a coordinating conjunction, so you
can indicate the boundary between them. For example:
They do not have lots of responsibilities and sometimes mothers and fathers cook, clean and
do everything for them.
Your sentence above lacks a punctuation to properly connect the two independent clauses.
Independent clauses can stand alone because it has a subject (noun), a predicate (verb), and a
complete thought. In this sentence, you connect your ²rst independent clause, which ends with
“responsibilities,” to your second, which begins with “sometimes,” with a coordinating conjunction
(and), but you forgot to place a comma before it. Unfortunately, a coordinating conjunction alone isn’t
strong enough to do this job. The proper way to separate them is to place a comma before the
coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). Here are some examples:
My brother got lost in the forest, but he got back before sunset.

Running Head: STUDYING IN VENEZUELA VS STUDYING IN CANADA OR USA Moreira 1
Diference between studying in Venezuela and studying in Canada or USA
Sthefanie Moreira
COMM 1003
Joyce Kraay
(February 24, 2016)