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Revision Assignment - Spring 2013 Name: Using the information from chapters 5 and 6, revise the following sentences following the directions. You may...

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Revision Assignment – Spring 2013 Name: Using the information from chapters 5 and 6, revise the following sentences following the directions. You may find helpful similar sentences found on pp. 142-143 and pp. 170-172. To type your answers, put your cursor in the gray box and begin typing. The box will expand to fit your response. Each revision is worth 4 points and you may get all or partial credit. Rewrite these sentences to reflect your audience’s viewpoint and/or reader benefit. 1. We insist that you always bring your credit card to the store. 2. If you cared about doing a good job, you would’ve made the extra effort required to learn how to use the machinery properly. Rewrite these sentences to emphasize the positive. 3. We don’t make refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled. 4. You should have realized that waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses during winter. Therefore, our guarantee does not cover the valve damage, and you must pay the $9.50 valve-replacement fee (plus postage). Rewrite these sentences to eliminate bias. 5. For an Indian, Maggie is certainly outgoing. 6. A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he must be trained to cope with any problem that arises. Write a concrete phrase for each of the vague phrases in these sentences. 7. Some years ago he made good money. 8. Damage from the fire was significant. Rewrite this sentence to eliminate clichés.
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Revision Assignment – Spring 2013 9. Movies aren’t really my cup of tea; as far as I am concerned, they can’t hold a candle to a good book. Rewrite these sentences in active voice. 10. High profits are publicized by management. 11. The policies announced in the directive were implemented by the staff. Revise this sentence for clarity by breaking this sentence into shorter ones. 12. The next time you write something, check your average sentence length in a 100-word passage, and if your sentences average more than 16 to 20 words, see whether you can break up some of the sentences. Revise these sentences to be concise. 13. We are of the conviction that writing is important. 14. After a trial period of three weeks, during which time she worked for a total of 15 full working days, we found her work was sufficiently satisfactory so that we offered her full-time work. Remove all the unnecessary modifiers from this sentence. 15. Tremendously high pay increases were given to the extraordinarily skilled and extremely conscientious employees. Rewrite these sentences to eliminate the indefinite starters. 16. It would be greatly appreciated if every employee would make a generous contribution to Mildred Cook’s retirement party. 17. There is a rule that states that we cannot work overtime without permission. Present the ideas in these sentences in parallel form.
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